One You Wish You Had a Camera For

If only I’d had a camera to get you a picture of the man and dog in this story…

It was hot and humid.  Too hot.  Way too humid.  Like New Jersey had become – not a rain forest – but a steam forest.  The thick heat made me move slowly as I was hiking through the woods with Hazel.  She was panting, I was dripping sweat.  We were walking downhill on a wide path with tall hardwoods when we came upon a HUGE fallen tree blocking our way.  The tree had cracked about four feet above the base of its trunk and from there it angled across the trail like a giant limbo pole that was missing a second person to hold its other side.  Hazel ran right under it like there was nothing there.  I trudged around it.

As we were about to continue on our way I heard someone breathing heavily from up the hill behind us and turned back to look.  It was a man and his dog coming down the path.  Normally I would think, “whatever, just another hiker and his dog” – but there was something funny about these two.  The man was a broad-shouldered, 6-foot-five version of Jerry Garcia.  He had long, white, wavy hair, a white beard, and a huge pot belly under a pink t-shirt.  The shirt was bathed in sweat from his shoulders down to his belly, making a big, wet “V”.  From the pink shirt and the hippie look you would think he was going to be a jolly fellow.  But he had a serious look on his face – didn’t even make eye contact with us.  You could see he was exhausted and determined, thinking, “get me down this hill and done with this hike already, it’s disgusting out here and I’m not cut out for this.”

Well, he was stomping down that hill with momentum and then he saw that fallen tree in his way.  He looked like he was so tired, so “done,” that he didn’t have the strength or will to veer off the path and walk around it.  So without stopping he lunged forward under the giant trunk and ducked – all in one motion.  Hazel and I both watched curiously, thinking, “that’s not going to work.”  And it didn’t.  The huge man was able to duck under the tree and come out the other side in one motion, but when he tried to lift himself back to a stand there was no balance left in his massive legs.  It was like watching a second tree fall, in slooow motion.  He waved his big hands a little as if to grab something, but there was nothing to catch onto.  Then he knew just to put them in front of him and soften his meeting with the ground.  As he “timbered” forward, he kept that serious expression – I think because he was too tired to move his face muscles.

“Are you okay?” I asked, as he verrry slowly lifted one knee off the ground.  In that instant, the tallest Standard Poodle I have ever seen hopped over the fallen tree and came to the man’s side.  It was his dog.  Without hesitation, the dog put his front paws on his owner’s side, clawed them up higher onto his upper back, and started humping the fallen man like it was a sexual revolution…  a planned mating…  a get-it-while-it’s-hot-all-you-can-hump-buffet.

My lips almost split apart as I fought back a smile.  Tears welled in my eyes.  From holding back the laughter I had to cross my legs – I almost pissed in my pants.  It was totally surreal – like something went wild in fairy tale land and Paul Bunyan was suddenly getting humped by Babe the Blue Ox.  I quickly calmed, though, and was able to keep it together out of respect.  Then, with the cadence of a sportscaster I said, “Wow.  Talk about adding insult to injury.”

From down on one knee the man looked up at me and cracked a smile.  He brushed the humping dog off his back.  He lifted himself up slowly, then dusted off his knees.  We all continued silently down the path.

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The Follow Up Call to the Shelter

Hazel's thinking: "Do I smell any studs out there? I'm sure they can smell me." I'm thinking: "If they can't smell you, they sure can see you. Holy genitalia!"

After yesterday’s post, many of you asked if I called the shelter to tell them my spayed dog is not spayed.  Yup.  You remember the shelter manager from the original stories about adopting Hazel, right?  The exchange went something like this:

Shelter Manager: “Hi David, how’s my girl doing?”

Me: “She’s the best dog ever.”

Shelter Manager (in sing song voice): “I knooow she IS.”

Me: “She’s not spayed, though.”

SM: “Oh?  Oh.”

Me: “Yeah, 100% confirmed, she’s in heat.  Big vagina.  Blood drops everywhere.”

SM: “Well, there are a couple of options.”

Me: “Mmm-hmm.”

SM: “There’s a certain list of vets you can call, starting on July 1st, that will do the spay/neuter of rescue dogs for only $20.  It’s a New Jersey program.  I have the list here.  But you have to call on the morning of July 1st to get signed up, that’s when the state gives the next round of funding for the vets to do this.”

Me: “Is this going to be like trying to get tickets to the Superbowl, or does everyone get signed up?”

SM: “You shouldn’t have too much trouble.  If one vet is full, you can move on to another one on the list.”

Me (silently thinking): Yikes, I hope I don’t end up with the vet who tries to spay my dog in a closet with a flashlight and a butter knife. Then I say, “Okay, what is the second option?”

SM: “The second option is we could bring her to our vet, but he’s not close to here.  And technically you would have to sign her over to us and then re-adopt her after the surgery.”

Me: “No, that’s not happening.  Where do I get the list of vets for the rescue spay program?”

SM: “I have it here.  You can drive over and pick it up, just call to make sure we’re here first.”

Me (silently thinking):  Drive over for a list? That list must be on the Internet.  I’ll get it there. Then I say, “Okay, I’ll look into the options and get back to you once I know what we’re going to do.  Thanks.”

~

You’re probably thinking I was so pissed that the shelter gave me a dog they told me was spayed when she clearly wasn’t.  And then they matter-of-factly told me exactly what my options were without even a hint of an apology or admission of a mistake.  You might think at that point I’d be REALLY annoyed.

But, it’s just the opposite.  I would have taken Hazel no matter what. She’s my dream girl (bitch, that is).  And I know that the shelter does just about the best they can, given their limited resources and how many dogs they are trying to find good homes for.  Who knows, maybe they were well aware she wasn’t spayed but didn’t want to do ANYTHING to deter me from adopting her.  (She had already been there over three weeks and several people passed her up (thank you!)).  It’s common knowledge that some breeders and pet stores have similar practices – shipping out dogs with known issues – all the while knowing that once the pup gets in the hands of her new owner they’ll fall in love with her and never give her back no matter what.  Not cool, but it works.

In any case, it’s no big deal, just part of the trials and tribulations of being a dog owner.  What’s a little heat in the summer?  If you own dogs, you know exactly what I’m talking about with these trials and tribs.  If you’re thinking about owning a dog, get ready for adventures like this and a whole lot more.  The fun never stops.

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What Does It Mean When Dogs…?

What does it mean when:

1) A male Yorkie walks by your yard on leash with his owner, then comes back a half-hour later – alone, off-leash – obsessed with getting into your yard…?

2) One day you suddenly notice your female dog’s genital area has expanded like a water balloon that’s been on the hose spout a few seconds too long…?

Yes, it means that the 8-month-old dog you adopted as spayed is NOT spayed.

Confirmation comes a few day later when you start to notice the little drops of blood all over the floor and anything she lies on.  Yikes, it’s my Hazel’s first heat.  NOT expected.

Ah, the joys of being a dog owner!  You gotta love it.

Un-neutered males for miles around are feeling hot and heavy. The Yorkie from around the block broke out of his yard as soon as his mom brought him home from his walk!  After he passed by the scent of Hazel, he trailed his way right back to our yard.  Luckily they did not meet up.  I was sure to keep that pencil packin’ poppa as far away from my girl as possible.  Anyone want a Yorkie-Pointer mix!?! Ummm – no thanks.

The real irony is the foreshadowing in this post from a couple of months ago, which is now funnier than ever: Quote from the Canines #3 – Why We Spay

~

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How to Housetrain Me. Love, Your Puppy (or Newly Adopted Dog) – Rule #2

"I'm so glad we're having this talk. If all owners were as smart as you, all dogs would be as good as me."

Dear Human Parent,

Thanks so much for listening to me about this whole house training thing. I’m so grateful for your attention and I promise I’ll get it right if you follow these SIX SIMPLE RULES.

Just be consistent and give me some time to figure it all out.  It’s going to be so much fun to learn exactly where I’m supposed to potty so nobody will get pissed off.  (Ha! Who said puppies don’t have a great sense of humor?)

Okay, now that we got Rule #1 down in the last post, I’m ready to tell you about…

RULE #2:

Don’t wait until it’s too late.  Take me to “my spot” as often as I need to go.

All of us pups have different size bladders and different digestive systems. That means some of us pee and poop more often than others.  As a young pup, I can tell you straight away that I’m going to pee A LOT!  Sometimes I’ll even pee within ten minutes of my last pee.  (I know, it’s a bummer, but there’s not much I can do about it.)

Let me warn you now – I WILL NOT be able to tell you when I have to potty in the beginning stages of house training.  But, if you pay attention to how often I go, you’ll see I have pretty consistent patterns.  You have a better memory than I do, so please keep track of when I go.  And take note that after I eat or drink, something’s going to come out sooner than later!

Once you have a sense of my patterns, all you have to do is get me to “my spot” as often as I need to go!  If you’re training me to go outside, that means take me to the yard or for a walk.  If you’re training me to go on wee pads, then think of my exercise pen with the pad as the yard, and put me in my pen (“the yard”) as often as I need to go.

The bottom line: if you take me to my spot to empty my tank as frequently as needed, I’ll never make mistakes anywhere else. If you wait until it’s too late, please don’t blame me! I won’t know any better until you get very consistent with showing me what to do.

The great news is that once I go to the same spot, on the same type of surface, over and over, I’ll come to prefer that as my favorite spot!  That’s why it’s so important to be consistent.  I can’t develop a preferred spot if I end up making “mistakes” on the wrong surfaces, or many different surfaces. So please follow this Rule #2 and help me out!

Here are some things I know about myself that will help YOU out.  Common times that I will have to potty are:

• first thing in the morning
• after I eat
• after I drink
• right after a nap
• after a big chew session
• after (or right in the middle of) a big play session/running around
• after I come out of my den/pen

Here are some more helpful facts about me.  If you see me doing one of these, good chance I have to potty. Quick – get me to my spot!

• sniffing the ground, especially sniffing in circular patterns
• walking towards, on, or around “my spot” (including the door to outside)
• suddenly walking away from an activity I was engaged in – as if something unseen has caught my attention
• panting
• whining
• squatting (uh-oh, that could be too late, sorry but you’ve got to beat me to it!)

Okay, now that we’ve discussed the first two rules for house training, I’m feeling really good about our chances for success.  Let’s talk again soon, I’ll tell you about Rule #3 then (wag, wag)…

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Quote from the Canines #7

"Now that I have chased every manner of bird, rodent, and deer through this dew-covered field at sunrise, I can truly say I am the happiest, most satisfied dog in the... hang on, I see a chipmunk, I'll be right back."

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How Do I Get My Dog to Behave When I’m Not Home? Chiller the Couch Boy, Part 2

After a long day at work, cuddling on the couch with Hazel is heaven. But what if you don't like your dog up on certain furniture? Read on.

The Myth: Dogs know the same rules apply whether a human is present or not.

The Real Deal: Dogs can easily learn that a specific experience has a different outcome when you’re absent vs. when you’re present.  They will then behave according to which outcomes work best for them in the moment, not according to “rules” you have set.

Let’s get back to this great question by Real Deal reader, Tracy.  She wrote:

What I want to know is  “how to teach my dog to still obey the rules when I’m not in the house.”  He would never go up on our formal living room couch if we were home, and apparently (from the warm seat and askew pillows) knows that the garage door opener sound means we are about to come in.

In part 1 of this post we talked about why Tracy’s dog, Chiller, goes on the couch only when she’s not home.  We also examined the simple rules dogs learn from their experiences and how these drive their behavior.

Now, using this example, let’s talk about how to prevent unwanted behavior when you’re not home and what Tracy can do about the fact that Chiller’s already learned: the couch is wonderful – as soon as everyone leaves.

First, the best time to establish rules such as “don’t go on the couch” is right at the beginning of your relationship. If you have a puppy or newly adopted adult dog, it is MUCH easier for him to learn a rule if you start from the beginning and then stick to the rule.

Sticking to the rule means that you don’t allow the rule to be broken when you’re not watching. This is probably the biggest mistake dog owners make. I suspect this is how Chiller learned that the couch is a delight as long as no one else is in the room.  Remember this: Dogs repeat behaviors that are rewarding. MANY experiences can be rewarding WITHOUT you being there to provide a reward.  Rewards come from everywhere – not just you!

Here are a few classic examples of rewarding experiences that dogs have when unsupervised, all of which can lead to unwanted behavior patterns:

1. Peeing on the floor/carpet: dog feels, ahhhh, I’ve relieved myself, that was rewarding! I LOVE peeing on this surface, it’s always SO RELIEVING!
2. Jumping on the counter and eating a sandwich found there: dog feels, YUM, that is the BEST thing I’ve EVER tasted!  I love jumping on counters – I can’t believe I haven’t tried this until today.  I’ll check this spot every day!  Hell, I’ll check it THREE TIMES a day!!!
3. Resting on forbidden couch or bed: dog feels, mmmmm, this is SO COZY!  Whenever no one’s around to disrupt me, this is heaven!!!

Are you seeing how it works?  It’s when we’re not paying attention that dogs learn these behaviors pay!  Behaviors unwanted by owners end up being rewarding behaviors for our dogs.  So what do we do?  Let’s start with problem prevention (always the best way to raise great dogs).  We’ll use our couch example.  Here’ a recipe for getting your dog to permanently follow the rule of NO couch, whether you’re home or not:

1. When you’re in the room you ALWAYS body block your dog’s access to coming up on the couch or immediately put him back on the floor when he tries to come up.
   

   X-Mat: Just leave this bumpy mat on any surface you don't want your dog to rest on.

2. When you’re not in the room, you put up a barrier to deny access to the room OR you make the couch otherwise inaccessible/unpleasant.  You can use these bumpy X-Mat to do that.  No dog wants to lie on THAT.
3. Give your dog an alternative option that is always available, very comfortable and ALWAYS rewarding (a cozy dog bed or old blanket).  Of course it is always rewarding if it’s comfortable, but you can enhance the experience even further by giving your dog positive attention when he is lying in his bed (belly rub!) or calmly bringing him a treat/chewie/stuffed Kong when he is relaxing on the bed.  This will seal the deal that this dog bed is THE PLACE to BE.

If you follow this recipe and maintain consistency for several weeks then your dog will quickly eliminate the idea of couch chillin’ from his behavior repertoire.  Your dog will essentially look at it this way: There’s a couch.  That’s something people sit on.  Dogs don’t go there.  I never have.  Any experience I’ve ever had trying to go on there has been unspectacular at best, a waste of time.  That’s just another dull object in the room.  Now here’s an idea, I’ll go lie on my comfy bed or my favorite spot in the sun by the window.  That’s a great place to be.

~

This will work without fail for any new dog.  A new dog is especially easy to set rules with.  Ah, but what if it’s NOT a new dog?  What if it’s a dog who already has the unwanted behavior pattern of going on the couch only when no one’s around?  Like Chiller does.  That’s a little trickier, and I’ll cover it in Part 3 of this series.

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Shout Out of the Day – What’s Up Dads

Ok, I admit it, I’m a just bit biased because it’s about me, but I love this week’s article by Lisa Begin-Kruysman! It’s a Father’s Day piece about being a Dad to kids and dogs.  Thank you, Lisa, for being an enthusiastic fan of The Real Deal on Dogs. Everyone, check out Lisa’s Blog on Her Book About National Dog Week and this week’s article: NYC Dog Trainer knows “the real deal” on how a Family Dog can influence the Fathers of the Future.

~

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How Do I Get My Dog to Behave When I’m Not Home? Chiller the Couch Boy, Part 1

Here’s a great question that came up in recent conversations I’ve had with Real Deal readers on my Facebook page.  Dog owner Tracy wrote: 

What I want to know is  “how to teach my dog to still obey the rules when I’m not in the house.”  He would never go up on our formal living room couch if we were home, and apparently (from the warm seat and askew pillows) knows that the garage door opener sound means we are about to come in.

When it Comes to Snuggling or Snoozing - Dogs Can't Resist a Soft Couch

The Myth: My dog knows better than to do something “against the rules” when I’m not home.

The Real Deal: He doesn’t.  Your dog simply does what he has learned works best for him in the present moment.

Let me explain how Tracy’s dog appears to “know” he is wrong for being on the couch when no one is home, and how in fact he does NOT know.  Then I’ll tell you how to get your dog to stop “breaking the rules” when you walk out the door!

Let’s give Tracy’s dog a name to make this explanation easier.  We’ll call him “Chiller,” since he loves to chill on the couch (once they leave).  Tracy says Chiller would NEVER go up on their living room couch when they are home.  This means that anytime Chiller has tried to go on the couch when a person is present, he has been stopped or reprimanded in some way that he finds unpleasant (this does not have to be mean, just clear).  One way or another, the people of the household have gotten the message across to Chiller that it’s not worth the effort or comfort to get on the couch when people are home.  It is LESS FUN for Chiller to get on the couch than it is to find some other spot for his chillin’.  He knows this.  He has learned it through experience.  What exactly has he learned you ask?  Here’s the simple RULE in Chiller’s mind: 

Me on the Couch + People in the Room = NOT Fun for Me (so pick another spot)

Now, there’s something else that I’m willing to bet Chiller has learned.  I’m willing to bet that Chiller has learned that chillin’ on the couch is a sublimely comfortable experience. And I’m willing to bet he discovered this more than once.  This happened in one or all of the following ways:

1. Some people in the house have let Chiller up on the couch sometimes. Sometimes even when they are present in the room.
2. Chiller has gone on the couch on his own when no one is in the room.  On at least a few of these occasions, he was then reprimanded upon discovery.  However, this was after the fact (once he had already experienced how comfortable the couch was).
3. Chiller was NEVER, ever, allowed on the couch, not even for one second.  BUT, he could not resist his natural desire to rest on soft, elevated surfaces so he tried it for the very first time when no one was home (this is the least likely of the three scenarios, but possible).

We can safely assume that one or more of the above scenarios took place.  It would only take one or two occurrences to create Tracy’s problem.  That is because once Chiller learns that sometimes being on the couch is enjoyable, the only thing left for him to figure out is: WHEN is lying on the couch enjoyable and WHEN does it suck?

Well, that’s easy for him to sort.  He tries going up on the couch at different times, in different situations.  After a few trials, he can plainly see that the couch is perfectly enjoyable when no one is around and it sucks when people are present (because they immediately kick him off).  He’s now got two SIMPLE Rules he can trust:

1. Me on the Couch + People in the Room = NOT Fun for Me (pick another spot)
   
2. Me on the Couch + NO ONE in the Room = Joyful Peace and Comfort (relax on the couch)
   

So, Chiller has learned that the couch is bliss when no one is around – Rule #2.  When he hears a signal that someone will come into the room (garage door) he follows Rule # 1.

Tracy, your smart dog IS obeying rules.  They’re the rules he’s learned from his own experiences.

Did he deviously strategize any of this?  No!  Is he a bad boy?  No!  Does he have spite?  No!   He just knows the simple rules above. He does what works for his happiness in the present moment. Just like every animal. Just like you and me.

~

In the next post I’ll tell you how to solve Tracy’s couch problem and prevent your dog from following different rules when you’re present vs. when you’re not.  Hint: The problem above comes from the fact that Chiller was given an opportunity to experience the joy of the couch – sometimes – and when no one was there to teach him otherwise.

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How to Housetrain Me. Love, Your Puppy (or Newly Adopted Dog) – Rule #1

Dear Human Parent,

I love you and I’m so happy to be here with you.  This is going to be a great time, but can we please get on the same page with one thing right away?  It will be so much more fun for both of us if you teach me EXACTLY where you want me to potty.

Please follow these SIX SIMPLE RULES and then I’ll know where to pee and poop! Just be consistent and give me some time to figure it all out.

Today, we’ll start with…

RULE 1:

When you’re not watching me, please keep me in an area where I can’t make any mistakes. I don’t want to screw up, but if you let me walk around anywhere in the house I just know I’ll pee and poop all over.  I can’t think of a single reason not to.

~

By the way, I don’t mind hanging out in my own special den.  A crate, a pen, or a small room is cool by me as long as you show me that it’s a safe, relaxing place.  It wouldn’t hurt if you made the space extra fun, especially in the beginning while I’m getting used to it.  If it’s somewhere that treats and chewies are regularly found, I’m sure to like it!  And please give me plenty of exercise in between my time relaxing.  Do that, and  let me experience separation from you very gradually at first.  Then I’m totally cool with it all, promise.

If you want me to use a wee pad, make my special den space JUST big enough to have a wee pad and a small separate area for me to hang out in.  Make sure the separate floor space has a VERY different surface texture than the pad!  I’ve heard those exercise pens you get in pet stores are perfect for creating a den with a wee pad.  They can even be set up so you surround the pad on all three sides with the walls.  This makes it much easier for me to hit the target.  Believe me, that’s great!  Any help you give to make this as easy as possible for me is appreciated.  The idea of knowing EXACTLY where to pee and poop takes some time for me to get used to and I just can’t figure it out on my own.

If you prefer to skip the wee pads, that’s just fine by me. But, if you want me to hold it in until you take me out of the den, then please make my den space smaller.  Naturally, I prefer to keep a small space clean.  If you give me a lot of space, believe me, I’ll just go poop over there and nap over here.  I can’t help it.  That just seems to work fine for me.  Oh, and don’t forget not to leave me in there too long – I can’t hold it forever you know!  And I do like to balance my alone time with fun time!

Thanks so much for listening.  You seem like a great owner.  I’m excited about this relationship!

I can’t wait to share Rule # 2 with you, coming soon…

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Quote from the Canines #6 – Naive Human

What? Noooo. No, there's no hole on the other side of the fence, in the back corner, right behind the clover patch. Nothing of the sort. We're just digging around, frolicking, and chewing on fence posts. See? Mmmmm, fence post. Relaaaax. Go back inside and eat your breakfast. We'll just be hanging out here in the pen when you return.

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